Genuine
by FlipsideJJ
Summary: Ritsu has twenty days to stay in the past and prevent Takano-san's suicide. But will twenty days be enough to undo the younger Ritsu's mistakes? (the college Takano-san x the present Ritsu)
1. Chapter 1

**Day 1 **(10:00 p.m.)

Saga looked out the window of his one room apartment. He only saw the sidewalk and the looming clouds that hovered over the city area, waiting.

He sighed and then clicked his pen. Tokyo…college, huh?

It had only started and now it all seemed so pointless.

He had made that phone call a while ago and found the person who went to the same after school. To think that the innocent younger boy would have had a fiancé.

It felt like he had been stabbed in the back and every time he thought of Ritsu, he felt his heart throb, from love or from pain, he didn't know. But everything was all a figment of his imagination. It must have been. The pain. The love. The boy. The boy must have been. No traces were left, no proof, only an irritated voice over the phone that might have known him.

When Ritsu had first disappeared, he had been so hopeful, thinking he could easily find the boy. He had even thought about complaining, for once to his mother, about moving, but he had stayed silent. He hadn't even had the chance to look for Ritsu because of that. But he hadn't wanted to stay either. Not in that lonely house that could only echo screams back at him: one booming, bitter male voice, one screeching female one. Saga could find no way to deal with his pain and had finally decided: Ritsu wasn't real and he tried to tell his heart the same. But it didn't matter. Ritsu might have been a delusion, but was real in every way to him.

A sudden wind rushed into his room and he felt a slight dull tingle of raindrops that woke him from his thoughts. He got up and then the rain started pouring. The water slammed down onto the ground and somehow he remembered a documentary he had seen. It had shown water cutting through steel. He had stared, uninterested at the time. But he felt a curiosity ignite in him now. What would it feel like if that high pressured water sliced through him? Like a knife? Like a laser? Like millions of bullets? What would it feel like now when everything was so fake and surreal?

In the few seconds that the rain had gone from a couple drops to a heavy downpour, it had drenched his room and the black-haired boy struggled to sluggishly close the old windows. He tugged the window, inch by inch to close it shut and in the few seconds when it was too late for him to react and stop himself from closing the window, he heard a voice. And then he had slammed the window shut. The room was quiet and his golden eyes peered out the window to see a figure in front of the gate.

The older man, maybe in his twenties, looked up at the dingy apartment complex. He stared straight at Saga's room, and stood there without moving, without a jacket or an umbrella, only a green cardigan. The man didn't move for a moment and then he looked around like he was guilty of something before running away.

The man was probably a former lover of the past owner of the room he had rented. He had heard rumors of the man being a playboy, with men and women. Not that he himself had been much better lately. He had been thinking about getting someone to come comfort him, but today, in the gloomy rain, he wanted to be alone, even if alone in his own dark dreams.

With a sigh, Saga sat down on his bed and then flopped back down. He was soaked and the bed would get soaked as well.

Not that anyone seemed to ever care.

He closed his eyes and his long eyelashes made a slight shadow on his face.

And he thought of the boy whose eyes were bright emerald like a precious, rare stone, like a determined seed, growing into a green plant. Green the color of endurance, of hope, of life. Saga missed that vibrancy. He felt his eyes burn with water.

He reached out as though to touch the lively warmth that the boy held, but when the only thing he touched was his soaked table, dripping water, he flinched and withdrew his hand, curling up into a ball and falling asleep to the scent of wet tatami and wood.

* * *

(11:15 p.m.)

Saga woke up and felt his head pounding. The blood rushed to his head as he sluggishly got up and his eyes wavered in the blurry sight he saw. He wobbled before fainting on the tatami mat. Before his eyelids drooped, he heard a gentle voice of a boy call his name, and he tried to open his eyes and see, but then again, that must have been a dream.

* * *

( 11: 32 p.m.)

Saga opened his eyes and blinked. He coughed, and his whole body creaked and ached in pain from the vibrations. The only thing on his mind was the pain and the chill from his clothes. He wanted it to stop. He peeled off his wet clothing and then tried to roll into his bed, but it was still wet. In the end, he rolled into a small corner without any leaks in the roof above it and curled up again to sleep, naked except for his underwear. His body, pale and thin, shivered as he slept fitfully.

* * *

(11:57 p.m.)

Moonlight shone in and Saga's mind had cleared slightly. His pale lids had pulled back to reveal golden eyes that stared at the tan colored wall. He needed to buy some medicine. His body moved on its own as he receded into a dazed wrinkle in his brain where he rested. He wasn't him anymore. Nothing was anything anymore. He put on clothes and managed to put the right shoe on the right foot. He left his shoe laces untied. As he locked the door as he left, he wished for a moment for a hug, the warmth, the soft, silky brown hair, the soft, yet solidness of another person. Any person, but he was stopped at the same time by his disgust. He didn't want anyone. Nothing could fill that emptiness.

The moment he had stepped out of his door, the difference between the quiet, enclosed room and the noises of the lively night shocked him. It was too much for his senses. He started walking down the stairs and grabbed a hold of the railing, tightly, and he coughed again. Even the faint moon seemed too bright and the spring night air was too cold. He went, step by step, slowly. It seemed to take forever, but time went even slower as he tripped over his mud covered laces and waited for the sharp impact. He hit something solid. His mind recognized it. Something soft, yet solid.

"Ahh…a person," he thought before he closed his eyes completely and fainted. Maybe this person could help make it stop. Make everything stop.

* * *

**Day 2 **(7: 41 p.m.)

Saga blinked. He was lying on a soft, large bed, covered in blankets. Beside him, a dried towel and a glass of water lay on the table. The room was dark, but not pitch black. It was the sort of dark where the lights are off in that room, but was slightly lit by the light from another room. He blinked again, slowly, staring at the orange-yellow light leaking from the closed door that he was facing.

He wasn't in his house. He wasn't in his mother's house. He had pushed all his friends away except for Yokozawa, but Yokozawa had left Tokyo to go to his grandfather's funeral. So then, where was he exactly?

The room was dark, but he could see the figures of piles and piles of paper. There was a bedside table and a lamp, again both almost hidden behind papers…no, not just papers, but books. Piles of clothes had been flung across the room and the trash can was overflowing.

His mind suddenly cleared. He could be in danger. He sat up quickly only to groan from the dizziness and the pain that racked his mind, but instinctive fear made him push off the warm, thick tower of blankets and get up. Only to realize he was in only his underwear. It wasn't that he hadn't woken up in a similar situation before, but usually there was a human beside him and he hadn't been sick and vulnerable. But then again, it didn't really matter what happened to him anyway.

The door suddenly opened and yellow light filled the room.

Saga, like a deer in the headlights, froze.

A young man, maybe somewhere in his mid-twenties, had come in. His hair was light brown and his eyes were green. Saga flinched. It was just his luck to encounter someone with those same features when most of Japan was black-haired and brown-eyed. He rubbed his eyes and then tried to stand up, but when he got up to his feet, his body swayed and he fell on a pile of clothes. He groaned and then felt an arm on his waist, lifting him up.

Worried green-eyes stared at him. "Saga-sempai, are you okay?"

Saga's sluggish mind took a moment to process the information. The man was older than him, but called him sempai. Saga still referred to himself as Saga, but official last name was Takano-san. And this man was a stranger but knew his name. Who was he? No...why did it matter? Nothing mattered. There was no point in wasting his energy to wonder, so he just smiled and said, "Nice to meet you. Do you have anything I could get drunk on?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for being misleading with the T rating. I changed it cuz this chapter has more cussing.**

**And all comments are welcome. If it's criticism, please explain. :P**

* * *

(7:45 p.m.)

The brown-haired man stared at him a moment in shock. He stared for a few more moments and then said softly, "...sorry. No wonder Yokozawa hated me…"

His voice broke and then he squeezed his eyes shut in thought. He opened them again and then his wide green eyes stared into Saga's before slamming his forehead against Saga's.

"OWW! What the fuck?"

Saga bowled over from the pain that reverberated through his head. He let out a hiss of pain before he looked up and yelled, "What the hell are you trying to do?!"

The other man chose not to respond. Mainly because he had felt the effects just as badly as Saga and he had ended up tripping over the piles of clothing to smack into the bedframe.

Saga stared as the other man lied there.

"…if you're gonna die, go do it somewhere I'm not, on your own time."

"...uggh…sorry, but, no, I'm still alive." The man stood up, wobbling. His teary eyes looked up and then was about to say something. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. He looked grim. He seemed like he was going to say something serious, but then he finally said, almost gleefully, "You shouldn't be so rude as to refer to people older than you as 'you'."

Saga just stared at him and then said, "I don't want to learn your name. It would be pointless. I'm going to leave. See ya." He grabbed a random pair of clothes and strode out. Forget about getting any alcohol from that weirdo, he couldn't even have a normal conversation with him.

"Oh, umm, no that's not what I-uh, w-wait, Saga-sempai!"

Saga didn't bother turning, "Why? Oh. I'm not gonna thank you for helping me. It's not liked anyone asked you to. Or what, did you want something in return?"

"Huh?"

"Why were you at an apartment complex that you don't live in, in the middle of the night?"

"I-I was visiting a friend."

"What the hell? To think you're an adult yet you suck at lying. Who visits a friend at the dead of night unless it's an emergency. And if it were an emergency, you wouldn't have had anytime to take care of me. So, what, then? A booty call? And then he wasn't there, so you just picked up the next best thing. Wait no scratch that, are you a stalker? You even know my old name," He sneered. Saga couldn't help spitting out those words bitterly. "I wouldn't mind having sex with you. Except, sorry, you're not really my type."

Then he walked out the door.

* * *

Ritsu placed his head in his hands. Really?! The Saga-sempai he had remembered was nothing like that. In fact, all he saw was a rude cynical brat. He looked more like Saga at this point than Takano, but he was as irritating as the older man was. And he had just wasted the second day. Twenty days. Two were already gone. Just one had been spent understanding his surroundings and finding Saga-sempai. And the second day, all he had managed to do was nurse Saga-sempai back to only half his usual hitpoints. He didn't have enough time to change the mindset of someone…someone…someone so…UAAARGGGHHH! He squeezed his head and then almost pulled out some of his hair in his frustration.

Ritsu sighed and then burst out laughing.

At least a rude and cynical Takano-san was better then none. Besides it was his fault wasn't it? As always, it was only his own fault. That was why this time, he had to do the chasing.

* * *

(9:00 p.m.)

Saga walked back home and took in a breath of the late afternoon air. He hadn't talked that much in a while. Usually his mouth felt like it was sealed shut with a thick layer of glue between his lips. He didn't even have the energy to spit out a few words.

He felt strange. Probably because he was sick. Probably because of that guy who had to have those exact features. Probably because the world seemed to hate him recently.

Well, at least it was almost night. He had skipped out on college, but the effect had no large consequence. All he wanted from college was to pass it and not have to depend on his mother. All he wanted was to do the things that were the least bothersome. The sky started to darken. He passed by nice, peaceful neighborhoods and the bright street lamps that let out gentle yellow beams of light into the darkness before he turned the corner. Slowly. the surroundings became worse. The standard of living was obviously lower there and before long he was at the red light district.

The glittering neon lights were bright blurs as he walked along the lane, passing by bars and prostitutes and love hotels. He heard faint sounds around him: the high whistles of skimpily dressed women with heavy makeup, the booming music that pounded from multiple clubs. They all seemed dull.

He ended up at a familiar bar, He slowly opened the wood and glass door to a dimly lit room with a bar and people of all ages, drinking. The tables were placed neatly across the room and without waiting to be greeted, he slid into a random wooden chair and laid his head down upon the cool surface of a table. A waiter came and asked for his order. Saga left his cheek lying on the cool wood as his eyes stared straight at the waiter's black vest instead of making eye contact.

"What's the heaviest one?"

"Heaviest we serve? Well, that would the Long Island Iced tea, but there're worse in other bars if you're looking to get dead drunk. We prefer to not have those types of customers."

"I'll be fine. I'll have that then."

"Alright. You want any food with that? It'd be a bad idea to drink it on an empty stomach."

"Don't care. Pick one for me."

The waited seemed a bit stunned before saying, "Uh, then how about some chips with salsa or guacamole?"

"Guacamole."

"Alright. Is that all?"

"Yes…"

Saga sighed and then tapped his fingers on the table. He was tired. It would be nice to be drunk again. When he was drunk, the topsy turvy world that he saw then seemed to make more sense than the one he lived in. Like that was the actual reality. But the drink never lasted long. So then…drugs?

He hadn't ever thought he'd sink so low before, but it sounded nice. Some friends had offered it before. They said they went fish bowling, putting whatever cabinet drugs from home they could find and then mixing them in a bowl and randomly downing some. It was cheap and accessible. And then came the orgy parties. As many as twenty people together at once…it sounded nice. Maybe tomorrow…he would ask then.

The waiter returned to place food on the table. Saga looked blankly at the dishes in front of him and then chugged the alcohol down, ignoring the food. Sweet, sweet reality where no one was ever real, where they all put on masks and danced to the tune of life. Luckily it would all be gone once the drink started kicking in. Saga could feel his mind slowing down, the ability to think fading, the ability to remember first loves disappearing, and he relished in the feeling, closing his eyes to sink into the rising blankness.

Suddenly, Saga was woken from his thoughts when a firm, thick hand roughly grabbed his shoulder and forced him to face the hand's owner. A burly, hairy man with multiple scars and rings on his face and hands, grinned at Saga.

"What? Drunk are you? That'll take the fun out of this, you fucking man-whore. I heard about you, sleeping with anyone you could get your hands on, but, you son-of-a-bitch, you went for the wrong girl this time."

He slugged Saga in the face, causing Saga's head and hair to slam into the chips. Saga had neither the energy nor will to resist. His body felt heavy. But the punch didn't really hurt anyway. It was all numb.

The man came again with his other fist and his jeweled rings shone before they slashed and ripped Saga's skin. The blood started to bead and Saga's body slammed against the table again before the table turned over and his body crashed into the floor. The man slammed his foot into Saga's stomach and then picked him up by the collar of his shirt to slug him again.

But he looked at Saga's face and the dark-haired boy stared back, his face bloodied. And Saga burst out laughing. It didn't hurt. It didn't hurt. Nothing hurt. Nothing made sense. This wasn't real. Nothing was.

"The fuck you laughing at, you slut?"

Saga's head rolled a bit to the side and he spat out, "What do you think? Just your ugly mug. No wonder your bitch came to me so easily."

He could almost see a vein popping from out of the man and it made him laugh harder. It was like he was in one of those mangas. The four rounded corners drawn on the characters to show that they were mad. It was there, clearly visible on the man now. He was screaming bloody murder at the moment.

Well, this was what Saga wanted, wasn't it? A beating. A distraction. Pain to make him forget the gaping hole the size of a brown-haired boy in his heart. Pain. More. He wanted it to sting and burn and send him to oblivion.

"Well, C'mon, do it," Saga thought, "Beat the shit out of me and leave me in some alleyway to get robbed. Do it. I'd beg you to."

The man's face turned purpleish-red and he threw Saga's body into the wall. His heavy boot slammed down hard on Saga's stomach and Saga's body convulsed from the pain and shock. He let out a choked cough covered in blood. His ears rang and he was still absorbing the pain and shock. And while his limp body didn't work, Saga's eyes did. He watched as the people in the bar ran out and the bartenders and waiters just stared in mute shock, shaking in fear. The man beating him was probably a big shot. Saga then turned to stare impertinently at his attacker.

The man kicked at his head, "You Goddamn motherfucker. You're just a bastard, aren't you?"

The burly man walked a bit away and picked up a chair to throw it at Saga. His aim was true and Saga saw the chair coming. The chair flew closer and Saga thought, peacefully, "He was right. I am a bastard, but it's nice. This day hasn't been that bad after all..."

Saga laughed before he blacked out again for the fourth time in twenty four hours.


	3. Chapter 3

He was having a dream. He knew he was. But he couldn't deny how real it felt. The wind, when added to rain, had a cold bite to it that penetrated his black coat of fur. And he paused to lick his paws while looking into a blurry puddle. A reflection of a skinny drowned-looking black cat stared back. His gold eyes blinked and then turned away from the image, flicking his tail at the puddle.

He traveled silently through the night city and his paws padded quietly against the crumbling concrete of alleyways and brick wall tops. At the sight of overfilling trash, he paused in his travels and dove into the pile of scum and sniffed for food. He nudged at the badly wrapped tuna fish and dragged it out of the trash can. It smelled good to him. The sight of the dead, limp, slimy creature made Saga want to puke, but it smelled good. He took a tentative bite before his ears perked up at the sound of a yell. He turned and then saw a red-faced, fat fish monger waving at him with a stick. Saga hissed and then left his food. It was funny. He was a black cat, so he was considered good luck in Japan, yet no one wanted him.

The rain crashed down harder, but Saga saw a glimpse of the end of the thick, stormy gray clouds, miles away. It was bright blue and it hurt his eyes. He went for it anyway. As a cat, he hated the slick feeling of water rolling down his back, so he just wanted out of the rain for good. He trotted along the city and then started running and then he started racing, urgently towards the end. The surroundings became blurs and neon lights and leather shoes and plastics heels disappeared. It was like he was on a treadmill with the floor going faster than he could and there was no way to stop it. Suddenly, he could see the surroundings clearly even with the speed he was going at. Everything was getting smaller. It was shrinking into inexistence. Or maybe, he was getting bigger. His large paws crushed the tiny houses. He heard the sound of screams and crunching: the sound of destruction. He shrugged it away and he came to the countryside. Kagawa. It was peaceful. He could finally slow down and take a break. He started going slower and slower and then he was frozen. He couldn't move anymore and saw only darkness before he heard a bell ring.

The shop door opened and a child pranced in, giggling. The kid was wearing a red heart as a mask to cover his face. Somehow, Saga knew. The kid was a boy. Then the view changed. He saw from the child's point of view, all the trinkets and baubles in the dingy, cluttered antique shop that every dreaming adult believed they could make a fortune out of. And then he saw himself, a porcelain black cat with a green collar that was frozen in the shape of an ugly hiss, but the kid smiled at him and stared with wonder. The kid was about to reach out, but then the child's mother came in and slapped his hand away. "Don't touch anything, you might break something and then I would have to pay for it. And you know how your father would complain, saying I was at fault for bringing you up badly." And then she turned, and Saga saw his own mother's face.

Saga stared as both figures disappeared and he realized he was sitting in a company office on the receptionist's desk, but he was still a porcelain cat. The workers who walked by complimented the receptionist on how pretty the cat was. But then they all left. One last worker came in, the worker had no face. He was holding a child's hand and then the child pointed at Saga. "Candy!" The child took away the lollipop and the receptionist sighed. "I'll have to go buy more now. That was the last piece of candy in the cat." Saga saw himself from the receptionist's view. He was a cat jar. And then Saga realized that he was an empty, china cat.

He was a fake, hollow piece of porcelain.

* * *

**Day 3 **(11: 23 a.m.)

Saga opened his eyes and felt his body ache just from moving his eyelids. His head still ached. He probably still had a fever. He closed them again. Who cared where he was? He let out a soft moan and then rolled over on the bed to get more comfortable. He then noticed the faint sound of rushing water. It stopped and then he heard the rustle of towels and the click as the door opened.

"Yo, Takano."

Saga didn't reply and shoved his face deeper into the bed. He usually forgot his name was Takano now. He didn't really want to remember. His load about his da─about his mother's ex-husband had dropped on him about the same time as that boy's. And it only served as a reminder that stung. But, at that point, no one cared what he felt. He felt like both the Little Boy and the Fat Man had been dropped on him all at once. Now all he had was a bunch of radiation and was dead. At least the war was over. He had certainly given up. What else could he do?

"Yo, Takano." The voice had turned slightly irritated. "I know you're awake."

Saga replied, with his voice slightly muffled by the pillow, "And to whom am I speaking to? I don't talk to strangers."

A wet towel was thrown at him. "Yeah, but you certainly do fuck them."

"Sex doesn't involve talking."

"Well, whatever, that's what I picked you up for though. Now you owe me a favor. My new partner had a nice face but he sucked in bed, so I ditched him."

"Nice, so now you went for the guy who has a jacked up face but is good in bed. Thanks for the compliment. So then what? You couldn't do it while I was sleeping?"

"Haha. I wanted to get something out of this. Not to do all the work."

Saga rolled over and looked at the stomach and towel covered crotch of the owner of the voice. He didn't bother to look at the face. Most of the time he didn't bother to remember the faces of any partners. When he rolled over, he noticed. He was in a love hotel. A pretty shabby one at that. At least the bed was soft. He pulled the blanket up higher and said, "Don't care. Don't give a damn. I don't feel like it. My wallet's in my pants, but I'll assume you've already helped yourself to it."

"I did. I got lucky. The man who beat the crap out of you was too prideful to take your money. So then…I take it, all $167 is mine? I paid for the hotel and your drink with the rest of your money. "

"Go wild."

"…are you sure that you're not up for sex? Money's nice, but not as nice as…" The man ran a finger along Saga's bare arms.

Saga didn't reply.

"Fine, fine. I'll take what I can get. Well, then see ya. And, you might wanna find a doctor. I don't want your death to be blamed on me. Also, since you're outta cash at the moment, you might want to leave the hotel before twelve." The man slid into his clothes and grabbed his bag before he left. There was a soft click and Saga was all alone.

Saga grabbed a neighboring pillow and put it over his head to make a Saga head sandwich. It'd be nice if someone could eat his flesh, and leave nothing but cleanly picked, white bones. Maybe he would rename himself Jack and go find a giant who would be willing to make him into roast and them grind his bones into flour. But…that sounded like a stupid fairytale. If fairytales existed, then…but they didn't. And he wouldn't have a happy ending.

Well, since he couldn't have a happy ending, he might as well go do something stupid. It would be doing something at least, since Yokozawa was always griping at him to wake up to reality and do something instead of wallowing in self pity. He groped around for his cellphone, thinking that he ought to leave. Running away from unpaid hotel fees took more effort than he could give.

* * *

(8:45 p.m.)

Saga walked out at night, with bright streetlights flooding the road towards the apartment that he had planned to meet the others at. They were going to go all out and welcome the noob that he was, to fishbowling. To celebrate, they had gathered a large party, and all of which were willing to put out afterwards without a complaint.

He looked at the address on his phone and then glanced up at the apartment building. It seemed rather familiar. But, forgetting that, it seemed a bit too nice for a bunch of kids to be getting high at. A classmate yelled his name, "Takano-san!"

Saga turned and the boy he turned to look at had dark circles under his eyes. His face was sucked in. His pallor was yellow and sickly. He smiled, showing the gaps between his teeth and said, "Nice, ain't it? Figured it'd be best to get high and fuck some people in a nice place. Not that we'd care after the drugs, but hey, Jimmy offered it up, saying his parents were out till the end of the month. Now let's go in and give you the first taste of the good lif─"

He was cut off as they heard a yell, "Saga-sempai!"

They turned to see a figure running towards them.

Saga recognized the young man. The young man who had taken his open wound and shoved the knife a bit deeper. But the young man seemed so honestly relieved to see him. Saga flinched and ignored him.

Saga's classmate asked, "He your guest? Nice. He looks pretty good."

At the words, Saga's sluggish mind admitted it. The young man was good-looking. His lightly tousled light brown hair was probably as soft as it looked. The man's eyes were large and green. His lips were a pale pink. His skin was pale and creamy. His cheeks had a pinkish light to them. His figure was slim and appealing and his features were open and innocent in a way that couldn't help but draw people in.

Ritsu caught up to them and then broke down, panting for breath.

Saga's classmate chuckled, "Woah, man, didja just run a marathon. Dun worry. The party ain't going nowhere."

Ritsu gasped for breath. "No…haaaa….huff….just…thought….I'd….haaa…lose Saga-sempai again." Then Ritsu froze. What party? A birthday party? No…considering Saga-sempai's state…

Saga glanced coolly at him and then said, "Don't be a stalker. It's a pain."

His classmate whistled, "I'd love to have a stalker like you. Than I could punish someone as naughty as you."

Ritsu flinched and then replied, "N-no, thanks, but…umm…that is…"

"Hey, bro, then you wanna come with us to the party?"

Ritsu froze again. He didn't want to go, but chances were, Saga-sempai would ignore anything he said at the moment. He would have to wait and convince him that he was trying to help.

The classmate took Ritsu's silence as a yes and slid his arm around Ritsu's shoulder, pulling him along. Saga's figure had long disappeared and Ritsu, feeling a sense of uneasiness, followed.


	4. Chapter 4

(8:53 p.m.)

Saga opened the door. Music pounded against his head as a greeting. The notes' vibrations were perfectly in time with the throbbing of his head and his sight blurred for a moment. Oh. Yeah. He still had a fever. Not that it mattered. All he could say for the party was that it was noisy. His second impression was of how high class the room actually was. The rug was plush over dark maple flooring and a huge black TV covered the east wall. The room was large and spacious. The kitchen had an island with dark marble as the counter. The couches were white leather. And upon all the finery were a bunch of drunken teenagers, wiggling like worms as they danced. It made a pleasant picture.

Saga simply watched the moving figures whose incessant mumbling buzz made him dizzy as he leaned against the counter of the kitchen. Their wooden smiles creaked as they laughed. He took another sip from a bottle he had filched from the pantry. Dom Perignon. 1996. Saga had taken another bottle too. Chateau Petrus. 2500 bucks a pop. Saga had hidden in the wine pantry often as a kid and being five meant he needed a flashlight to be in the dark. He had learned to read and use the internet early on too. It happened when you were alone.

Saga suddenly chuckled mirthlessly. The kid's parents would murder their son when they returned.

He glanced over at the bowl by the door that the other students had filled when they entered the apartment. They each dropped in some type of drug in some shape or size. In pill or in powder form. Of course, some better deals were being made at the moment. The people here were fresh meat.

He glanced again, telling himself he was looking at the bowl.

Someone entered the room. Saga glanced at the bowl and then turned away at the miniskirt and tanktop.

A few more people entered the room. Saga glanced at the bowl and then turned away at the sight of a couple dark haired friends, smoking.

Saga finally turned his back to the bowl and slumped down onto the cold floor as he took another swig. He wished Yokozawa was here. He would tell Saga that he was being stupid. That he had to get over it. That they just happened to look alike.

But he wasn't. No one was here.

Saga sighed and then, over the humming buzz that was almost pleasant now, Saga heard a sharp cry.

"Drugs?! DRUGS?! Are you KIDDING me?!" It was his stalker and it appeared as though he had been offered some. His voice was so hysterical it was almost funny. Saga chuckled contentedly. It was strangely funny how he had immediately focused on the voice. When did that man even come? Was this what Saga was waiting for? A naïve fool that actually followed people he barely knew into an enclosed area. Or maybe he just looooveed Saga too much to care.

At least the lucky guy had been offered higher class ones. The more expensive ones lasted longer too. And it seems like it'd been offered for free. Well, no money would appear in that transaction, but something else would be traded. The group around him seemed a bit too eager and pleasant.

The light brown haired man, red-faced and indignant, pushed past Saga's classmate and through the crowd when he finally spotted Saga. His angry face melted into relief and… happiness.

Saga blinked, frozen at the sight as his body went through the choice of fight or flight. He chose flight. He meshed into the crowd where the scent of sweat and alcohol invaded his senses. His heart was beating slightly faster and his brow wrinkled slightly. "What am I doing?" Saga wondered. He pushed further along and he felt like he was…running? His feet moved faster and he bumped into more people. He glanced back to find himself being followed, and he started running. His sweaty hand squeezed the warming glass of the bottle's neck. He jumped over a table and then slammed the door open to a room.

It seemed as though the couple in front of him was getting an early start. They hadn't even bothered to turn off the lamp glowing bright yellow in the room. He didn't even blink at the sight. He stared blankly before stating, "Go somewhere else. Or you could have me watch if it turns you on more. Either way, I'm staying."

"Wha─!" The embarrassed girl covered the male's mouth and dragged him out of the room. Saga slammed the door and it was quiet. Quieter. The music and voices were all muffled. He let himself relax as he slid down the door and chugged down the rest of the contents of the bottle as he slid into his thoughts.

When did he ever run? When was the last time he had? What was that irritated feeling inside himself? It made him feel like he was itching to do something. To scream and thrash and throw a tantrum to get out his clogged emotions. He took the mouth of the bottle and made an effort to scream. The sound came out as a whimper that reverberated in the bottle, trapped, before it disappeared.

He laughed. That was all he could do? He could only whimper? He couldn't even scream. He lifted his hand and his fingers touched his lips. He thought of biting down. He lifted his fingers higher and admired his nails. They were long and ragged. He lifted them by his eye and thought of wrenching out the white flesh. How would it feel? Would it be soft and warm? Would he scream? Would it hurt? Would it wake him up from this dream?

It wouldn't. He didn't. He reached lower and picked at the scab from the man's rings and peeled it off without a thought. He continued to pick at the bleeding flesh and stuck his nail into the shallow wound. It didn't hurt. It didn't hurt.

He jerked his head back and slammed it against the wooden door looked up at the ceiling. He stared with empty eyes.

His idle, bloody fingers moved to caress the sleek bottle, gently and smoothly, and then he slammed it against the wall. At the impact, the bottle shattered, and the last few drops of red wine ran down the white wall. How much were those few drops of a 2500 dollar wine worth?

Saga's eyes were damp, but no tears fell. His face was contorted into the pain that he couldn't feel. His mouth was clamped shut, his teeth, squeezing against each other, trying to break the other and set that frustrated feeling free.

Saga's hand groped around blindly and then shook slightly as he picked up a jagged piece of murky glass. He pressed it against his wrist. Gently. Gently. He caressed his pale skin with the glass and it felt so good. It was cool against his burning skin. And then he dug into his flesh.

His body finally sent pain into him. Something connected. And then without thinking, he squeezed it tightly, holding his hand with the glass, up into the light where he could see the blood that ran down his hand on one arm and the wrist on another. The warm yellow light. He launched the glass from his finger tips. It knock the lamp over and the light bulb shattered, leaving him in darkness.

He felt dizzier. His eyesight was failing. Maybe he was aging. He couldn't hear anything but his heart beat that pumped out the blood to his veins in his arms and then to the floor. The air was cold. Or maybe it was his body that was burning. Either way, the air seemed to be getting a bit warmer. He breathed in. He breathed out. And then he closed his eyes.

Ahhh…pain…

* * *

(11: 39 p.m.)

Ritsu had lost Saga-sempai…no…that wasn't his name anymore. He should really stop calling him that. Ritsu had lost Takano-san when he had entered the crowd. He wouldn't have lost him that easily, but the people Ritsu had been talking to before had pulled him back despite his qualms and then offered him another drink and smiled and laughed while Ritsu panicked.

And he was wasting more and more time. The rabbit…it had told him that after twenty days, he would return back to his time. No matter what. No matter if he had failed or succeeded. It said that Sa-Takano-san would attempt suicide. He would try to kill himself starting from this week and on. And this, this was the only time that Ritsu could try to change him before he was too far gone or dead.

"Well, wasn't Takano-san healthy and living in the future as the editor in chief or emerald?" Ritsu had asked that too. And the insane rabbit had replied, "The future is the future because of the past."

So then Ritsu had─would succeed? The rabbit had only laughed at him. "C'mon, get your head out of the clouds, Time isn't a certain thing."

"Then, can't I have more time?" Ritsu had pleaded.

"No, my magic only works on twenty day spans. Because I'm Twinkle the bunny!" It had declared.

Ritsu had considered rabbit stew. After his first time hunting with his father, he had been offered some of the rabbit he had shot. Of course. Ritsu, freaked out by the fact that the fat cute bunny that had just been nibbling on a plant was dead and in his stew, hadn't touched it, but now, he probably would've strangled the rabbit. How was that a valid reason?!

He recalled again that that was the only time he had ever gone hunting. His father didn't hunt. He had only brought him because he wanted to show Ritsu just what he was doing when he ate meat. Ritsu has stopped eating meat for a while, but now he had accepted it. And he was thankful for both his dad and the animals he was ate.

Ritsu was lucky. He always had been.

And Takano-san…? What about him?

Ritsu flinched a little as the people around him laughed loudly at some joke he hadn't heard. Ritsu tried to pull away from the arm that was on his shoulder, but it only clamped down harder and more arms pulled him closer, insisting that he stay and talk, but Ritsu was worried.

And then, they heard a scream.

Ritsu closed his eyes in shock. It couldn't be. It wouldn't be. It was only the third day. It couldn't be. Ritsu didn't move from his spot. He didn't want to consider it. He wanted to move, but he stood still and every else moved from the room to gawk. No one called the ambulance. And Ritsu was frozen.


	5. Chapter 5

(11:44 p.m.)

Ritsu's mind couldn't focus. His mind revolved around one word. Takano…Takano…Takano… Takano…Takano…

There was something Ritsu needed to do. What was it? It had something to do with Takano-san. What was it?

Takano…Takano…Takano…

There was the scent of blood in the air. The iron scent burned Ritsu's lungs as he took in a shaky breath. making him finally come to life. Takano. The word rang in his mind with an echo of desperation and heart wrenching fear.

Takano-san.

Ritsu shoved through the crowd of gaping, giggling drunken teenagers away and pulled them apart to see the pool of blood. It was red. Bright burning ruby red even in the darkness of the room. The red stained the wood and the mahogany colored floor seemed to have a reddish hue even where it was unstained.

Takano-san.

Ritsu made himself look up from the floor. His head went slowly. The hinges on his neck creaked as he moved his head and his eyes up higher to focus on the one thing he didn't want to see most in the world.

Takano-san.

And he was pale. So pale.

Ritsu's shaking fingers somehow found his phone and he dialed the emergency number.

The phone rang.

Ritsu heard a click.

"What's the problem?" asked a monotone voice.

"….Please. Please. Help. Please," Ritsu begged in a desperate whisper. "Please."

* * *

**Day 4 **(11:20 a.m.)

Ritsu watched the sleeping figure of the person he loved in the quiet room where only the two of them were.

The wait for the ambulance had been tortuous. Ritsu had watched the lifeless face of sleep on Takano-san and he had wanted to scream at his helplessness. He couldn't do anything to help this person even if he desperately wanted to. Nothing.

Again. Over and over again. He was reminded of his incompetence. And if he had thought he had suffered before, it was nothing compared to the overwhelming anguish he was chained by now.

Ritsu was drowning in his despair. The scent of blood wouldn't leave Ritsu and the red stain wouldn't come off his hands. He imagined they were sunk into his hands and he would never be able to forget the sight. But the blood was on the right person's hands.

Ritsu choked as he stared at the frail body.

Takano-san was younger than he, frailer than he, more shattered than he, and Ritsu had ignored the obvious truth in front of him because he was a coward who didn't want to think of those thoughts, who didn't want to accept it. How many seconds had he spent, frozen in fear after the sound of the first scream?

Ritsu watched him. He didn't want to take his eyes off this person.

And each second between each his breaths left Ritsu frozen in horror, dreaming of things he didn't want to dream.

"So this is real," Ritsu thought.

He had thought it could've been a dream. He had thought that the rabbit could've been messing with him. He had thought that it was possible that nothing would happen.

But it had.

Ritsu didn't touch the pale sleeping figure. He simply watched and his fingers shook where they sat, interlocked on his lap.

A drop of water splashed onto his fingers and then it disappeared into a torrent of tears. Ritsu sobbed softly as reality hit him.

"So this is real," he whispered.

He shouldn't have been crying. He had even been warned. Yet, he had let Takano-san go off on his own for so many hours, giving the world so many chances to end it all. He had tried, but as always, he hadn't been good enough. Never good enough. And that had to change.

Ritsu swallowed the lump in his throat.

And so, he would shove the truth into Takano-san's face and make him wake up.

Ritsu pressed his fingers against his phone and then looked at Takano-san's phone, lying on the bedside table. And if he looked closely enough, bits of dried blood could be seen in the nooks and crannies.

Ritsu picked up the phone and opened it.

* * *

(4:35 p.m.)

Saga didn't open his eyes. He simply realized he was awake, but he kept his eyes shut. He could feel the stinging pain in his head and in his hand and wrist. But they couldn't even compare to the ache he felt inside his heart.

He smelled the scent of antiseptic. He could feel the rough sheets and the uncomfortable bed frame that was prominent despite the mattress. He could feel the needle inside his flesh as it sent him back his life. He wanted to rip the needle out.

And still, as he thought these thoughts, Saga kept his eyes closed. He didn't know why. Maybe he was still hoping. Hoping all this time that someone would be there when he opened his eyes. That Ritsu would be there. That his mother and his father would scold him and scream at him for being so stupid. And then…he could yell back at them and tell them that he was suffering so badly that he didn't even know if it hurt anymore and that was why he wanted to die.

Even the thought of death didn't daunt him and Saga remembered the feeling of slowly slipping away. He had felt so at peace, so happy that surely, the world he was living in now wasn't real. Death would bring him back to life where he belonged where the people he longed to see would see him and love him.

Saga opened his eyes.

He saw his stalker. Green eyes. Light brown hair.

And Saga lost his mind in his fury, "WHO ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" Saga was shocked by the strength of his own voice, but his anger and frustration propelled him.

The young man seemed jolted into shock by his yell. Saga looked and saw red rimmed, puffy eyes and a pale face and trembling fingers and the obvious raw fear and pain and Saga felt a sense of sick satisfaction.

And then the young man's expression broke in a smile.

Saga almost smiled back.

The look of pure happiness that caused his emerald eyes to burn with emotion and his soft voice to whisper, "I'm Onodera. Nice to meet you. I'm here because I love you." was enough to make Saga freeze in his anger for a moment.

And then he exploded.

"NO. No. That's not what I wanted to know. Who are you? Why do you look like him? So much alike. But you can't be him? I must be crazy. You look like him. I want you to be him. But you're not. You're not real. No one is. I don't know what they want from me. They all want something. Money. Sex. I don't care. I DON'T CARE! Leave me alone. Just please. Please! No one's real. Are you trying to mock me? Making people who are so similar who tell me the same lies over and over who bring me up just to break me down. Everytime that I think, that I hope is everytime that I'm stabbed and the knife is twisted deeper into me. I CAN'T EVEN SCREAM! NO one's gonna love me. I have no reason to exist. All of them. They're so disgusting. They're revolting. And I'm the worst of them. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"

Ritsu blinked and then said, with his eyes damp. His voice was thick and his fingers trembled on his lap. He didn't dare touch Saga. "I want you to live."

Saga laughed, "Well, I'm alive. I fucking alive. Now I can suffer and you can watch and laugh."

"At least you would be alive. At least you could live to see something happy," stated Ritsu softly.

"And what would you know? People are allowed to die when they have been physically tortured beyond their limits, but I'M not allowed to die even though I was beyond my limit years ago? I don't even have the right to kill myself?! Must I ask for permission or do I have to suffer more for you to be content?!"

Ritsu shook his head, "You have the right to. But I'll stop you every time."

Saga glared at him, "LEAVE."

Ritsu pursed his lips and then stood up. He turned to leave, "I called your mother and Yokozawa. Yokozawa will be back in a day. Your mother…she'll be here…in a week."

Saga froze and whispered, "It's not enough for you to go fuck me up like this, but you go call the people I do not want to see?"

Ritsu licked his lips and he was sure his voice shook as he spoke, but he went on anyway and his voice grew stronger at every word, "…you're mother…she's horrible for her lies, for being a terrible mother…but you have to accept that. She is what she is. Face her already. Have you ever talked to her? Really talked to her?"

"SHUT UP?! YOU know NOTHING." Saga roared.

"And Yokozawa-san…you're embarrassed aren't you? To have him see how wasted you are despite his efforts. You try to appear so nonchalant and indifferent, and you drink and your party and you have sex, but through all that, you still CARE. It's who you are. And it's what makes me love you."

Saga was pale, but shaking in anger, "JUST GET THE FUCK OUT." He threw the dish of food and it hit Ritsu. The soup dripped down Ritsu neck, but Ritsu didn't turn. The tray hit the floor.

Saga was breathing heavily, seething.

"…you could have stabbed yourself in the heart, slit your throat where no one would find you… IF that was what you wanted." Ritsu said simply. And then he left.


	6. Chapter 6

(5:15 p.m.)

Saga closed his eyes and that man's voice rang in his ears.

"…you could have stabbed yourself in the heart, slit your throat where no one would find you… IF that was what you wanted."

And then he pushed the cup of water that the nurse had left for him off the table. The water spilled. The cup barely made a sound as the paper hit the floor. It wasn't satisfying. It only served to aggravate him more.

He sunk into his pillow, closing his eyes, but despite his weariness, he couldn't fall asleep.

That man and his kindness only made him feel worse. That man was the embodiment of everything he wanted, he wished would leave and go away. He didn't want to be constantly tortured by what he couldn't have.

Saga remembered how he once heard of dogs being buried up to their neck and then their food was put just beyond their reach.

Saga was that dog. He was slowly starving and it was a scorching pain inside his stomach. No matter how hard he desperately tried, he couldn't reach it.

It hurt.

Saga turned over and his face sunk into the pillow. He readjusted his blankets and felt the IV drip move with his arm and felt his wrist and arm sting moving awkwardly from the thick scabs.

He turned again onto his side and then stared out the window.

Then he turned again onto his other side and stared at the curtain. Behind that curtain was empty space. The room was for one. He had privacy. How expensive must that have been?

Saga lied back down on his back and bit his lip.

He was feeling guilty. It hurt.

It hurt like a thick lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow. An irritating scab that he would pick at until it bled. He was that dog that would devour anything that came near it because it was starving.

Saga groaned and put his hands over his face and desperately wished for a smoke. He hadn't had one in so long. A smoke. He wanted a smoke. He forced his thoughts to think of cigarettes instead.

Saga tried to avoid the stray thoughts of what had happened from appearing, but they eventually overwhelmed him and as he replayed his voice and his actions, he felt sincerely embarrassed. He was ashamed of how he had treated that person, but he couldn't take it. He should apologize, but the shame that burned in him was devoured by fear. He didn't know why, but he was scared and angry at that person when he shouldn't be. He should apologize. But he wanted the easy way out. He hoped he didn't have to ever face that man again.

And Saga knew he hadn't made anything better by taking it out the man who had tried to help him…Saga knew everything that man had said wasn't a lie. Saga didn't want to die. Saga wanted to live so badly that he needed to die to affirm that he had even been alive at all. Only pain could confirm his existence and the reality of the world he resided in.

But…if he had let Saga die….Saga would have been free…wouldn't he have?

Pictures of Yokozawa's grumpy face appeared…Sorata meowed in his mind.

Saga wouldn't have been free.

Saga felt another twinge of guilt. He was reverting back to blaming others. When had that started? When had he become unable to accept his own responsibility?

Saga closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. His tired body finally complied and for the first time, Saga really missed someone besides Ritsu. He missed Yokozawa.

* * *

**Day 5 **(1: 21 p.m.)

Yokozawa hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He had tossed and turned the whole time. He was worried.

Now Yokozawa's fingers couldn't stay still. In one hand, Yokozawa rolled his smoking cigarette in his hand. The other hand's fingers thrummed on his leg and he looked out the window of the taxi, wishing it could go faster. He was going to beat the shit out of that stupid drunk. Takano even had to attempt suicide when Yokozawa was miles away, helpless. What convenient timing. Fate seemed to be having fun mocking him this time. How could Yokozawa not have been there?!

But at the same time, Yokozawa felt a sense of sick, twisted satisfaction at another thought. The fact that Takano tried to slit his wrists while Yokozawa wasn't there…meant…that Takano somewhat needed him…and Yokozawa's efforts and presence helped…and this way…Yokozawa could maybe replace that green-eyed boy in Takano's heart.

Yokozawa brushed the thoughts away. They were wrong. He felt sickened by himself when he remembered Takano's close encounter with death. Suicide had no bright side.

Yokozawa shivered and blinked away his tears. He wouldn't cry in public. And Takano was fine at the moment…

But what had set Takano off? Yokozawa turned his head to gaze out the window as though an answer would appear outside. Nothing came. He watched the thick, heavy gray clouds that covered the sky. He didn't know what had made Takano freak out…

Yokozawa lost his thoughts as light rain drops started falling and the cabbie asked him to put out the cigarette so he could close the window. Dazed, Yokozawa complied with a slight apology for his late reaction. A second later after Yokozawa put it out, he sorely missed it.

The rain poured harder…

It beat rhythmically on the car.

The rain…

Yokozawa suddenly recalled the story of Takano telling him about how that rainy day was the day he had fallen in love…that rainy day…where he had done something so much unlike himself…

Yokozawa cursed that boy and felt for the first time, real hatred. It wasn't mild irritation but deep overwhelming hatred for someone who could abandon someone who loved him so much. Takano was fragile and how could someone who claimed to love Takano not see that? But he hadn't loved Takano. He had only been playing around and even had a fiancé.

Every time Yokozawa thought of the state Takano was in, his anger increased.

With a bitter scoff, Yokozawa left those thoughts to simmer and willed the car to reach the hospital faster where his friend, though not dead, was close. Too close.

His icy eyes softened at the thought of the soft, genuine laughter that he could coax out of Takano when he was sober. The brief moments of life brought to those sad golden eyes made Yokozawa yearn for more. And he imagined what it would be like if Takano was truly happy. His laughter. His smiles. What would it be like? It wouldn't be like when Takano was drunk when his laughter was obnoxious and fake. Like he wanted to be happy and was trying to prove to others that he really was.

Takano…

Yokozawa squeezed his hand into a fist and tried to relax but he kept on remembering the phone call and those softly, trembling words spoken that made his heart stop in fear.

* * *

"Hello? Takano. What do you need? I'm busy!" Yokozawa sighed. He was just about to go relax and change to more comfortable clothing. Though, secretly, he was content to hear his friends voice.

"Ah…ummm…" Yokozawa balked at the higher, nervous voice of another man's.

"Oi. Who the fuck are you?!"

"N-no. Yokozawa-san…"

Yokozawa's eyes narrowed, "What are you doing with─"

"YOKOZAWA-SAN!" After the sudden outburst, the voice became meek again, "umm…Takano-san's been sent to the hospital…."

The hospital?! Yokozawa's mind ran through a multitude of terrible scenarios, but the truth was worse as it always was.

"Um…Yokozawa…are you still there?"

Yokozawa struggled to maintain a calm voice before he replied, "Yeah. And? Is he alright?"

"Ah…yeah he's fine now, but if possible, could you return to take care of him?"

"…I'll be there tomorrow." The earliest train to Tokyo was at five and even then it took seven hours. "So then why's he in the hospital?"

"…He tried to attempt suicide…"

"!?"

"Well, the doctor also said that Takano-san had a high fever, malnutrition and was dehydrated. It didn't help that he was drunk. And then if you add that onto the blood loss..."

"…Shit!"

"Ah…umm…Yokozawa-san. Don't worry. Takano-san's fine now. They gave him an IV drip and he's looking a bit better, but it'd still be better if someone could watch over his mental state…"

"…Y-yeah. I got it…"

Yokozawa somehow made it onto a chair before he fell and tried to calm his breathing.

"Ah…Yokozawa-san? There's…one more thing. He was at a drug/orgy party when he attempted suicide. The doctor said they found no drugs in his system bur that was probably because they hadn't started those two main events at the party…its just a heads up…he's not in his right mind now…" then the voice seemed to tremble even more on the last part, "…he…needs you right now…"

Yokozawa didn't respond.

"Yokozawa-san?"

"…Kay…Yeah…I'll be there…" Yokozawa was in shock.

"Are you alright? I know it sounds bad, but really. He's fine at the moment and he won't be leaving the hospital anytime before you get here."

"Y-yeah…I'm alright. Thanks…" He realized that he was holding his breath and then noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Oh…then…uh ..bye…" Ritsu was just about to hang up the phone when Yokozawa asked, "Your name?"

"Huh?"

"What's your name?"

"…Ah…it's Onodera."

"Kay…thanks."

"Bye." Yokozawa wiped his tears away slowly and took in a shaky breath. Why?

* * *

Yokozawa was even more tense now than when he had first heard the news. Yokozawa had been lucky. As lucky as he could've been. The funeral had been finished just as hour earlier and he had just returned home to relax and he had happened to turn on his phone again just in time.

Yokozawa watched the hospital appear and even before the car stopped, Yokozawa leapt out dropping a larger bill than he had to into the driver's hand and then ran into the hospital.

The scent of antiseptic and the whiteness of the inside hit him and he took a second to catch his breath as he asked the receptionist, "Where's─"

"Yokozawa-san!"

Yokozawa turned to see a young man maybe a few years older than him with a nervous smile, waving. His soft brown hair was messy and slightly dirty like he had had time for himself recently and his large green eyes reflected the pain and guilt and fear in Yokozawa's heart. They were slightly red and puffy around the edges too.

He was wearing a jacket and a scarf and he looked pale as he walked up to Yokozawa. He tried to smile at Yokozawa and the effect made Onodera look even younger with his innocent, open smile that lit up with hope and pain at Yokozawa. The effect was like a hopeful, but wary abandoned cat looking out from a cardboard box.

"Ah…you must be Onodera-san…" Yokozawa finally realized that he hadn't been given the man's first name.

Ritsu blinked and twisted his hands nervously at the sight of the younger Yokozawa. He was slightly shorter and was wearing a black hoodie and jeans completely unlike his usual attire at Marukawa. His dark black hair was wet and his pale blue eyes were wide with worry.

Even though he was younger than Ritsu at the moments, he was just as intimidating.

Ritsu nodded and said, "C'mon. I'll show you where Takano-san's room is."

As the two men walked to the elevator, Yokozawa thought that it was possible it wasn't only the rain that set him off. He even felt slight frustration at this stranger but shoved it down knowing that it was only thanks to him that Takano was alive.

"Umm…so…Yokozawa-san…"

Yokozawa realized he was trying to make conversation and awkwardly tried to respond in kind, "Onodera-san…I didn't tell you this earlier, but…thank you."

Ritsu blushed awkwardly and then looked down at his feet, "Y-you're welcome."

Yokozawa tried to continue the conversation instead of the awkward silence and asked, "So then…how do you know Takano?"

Ritsu flinched. "…just…"

The elevator bell dinged and the doors opened. The two men stepped on.

Yokozawa, too tired for going in circles, asked, "Did you sleep with him?"

"Huh? What? N-no. Of course not…I wouldn't…"

The answer seemed genuine and, Yokozawa, his curiosity piqued and his need to avoid thinking bad thoughts, pushed for more. "So then how…?"

Ritsu ran his fingers through his hair and said softly, "…he helped me get a book I couldn't reach…and then…"

"And?"

Ritsu looked painfully at the ground, "…I guess I fell in love at first sight…" Then Ritsu came to his senses and stuttered, "Oh. U-umm. That is…it's just me being a bother…I don't mean to…I-I'm not really…I just…"

Yokozawa stared at Ritsu with shock before regaining his cool, "I see."

Ritsu flinched and finally turned to look Yokozawa in the eyes, "Yokozawa-san I─"

The bell dinged and the door opened. Ritsu got off quickly and the pointed to the light blue door just before the turn. "That's his room."

Yokozawa nodded in thanks then started walking and realized that Onodera was following him. "Aren't you going to visit him as well?"

Ritsu stopped and thought about going and trying and persisting and talking some sense into Takano-san, but Ritsu didn't turn. That was too naive. What could he do against someone who knew Takano-san so much better? Should he go? "No…Yokozawa-san…I─Take care. Bye."

And then Yokozawa watched as Ritsu ran back onto the elevator with mixed relief and confusion before walking into Takano's room.

"Takano. What the hell did you think you were─" Yokozawa's voice cracked and he bit down on his lip to stop the tears before finishing weakly, "doing?"

* * *

Ritsu stepped onto the elevator and he slid to the ground. He took in a shaky breath and put his head down on his knees. His voice shook, "Dammit! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I'm helpless! What…just…what am I supposed to do…"

Ritsu wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing tightly.

**Just wondering, but is the time/day schedule working out alright?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Day 6** (6:57 p.m.)

Saga heard voices murmuring. It was distant buzz in the background and it soothed him as he lied there, half asleep in a daze. After Yokozawa's visit, Saga had felt the energy drain out of him. The familiar guilt inside him returned as he saw the consequences on Yokozawa's face.

The voices came closer and he thought he heard Yokozawa's voice before blacking out again.

* * *

**Day 7** (3:31 a.m.)

Saga picked at the bandage on his hand and wrist and rubbed at the itchy scabs, half-awake with his eyes still closed, his only reason for living, for anything at the moment was to stop the itch. He had peeled the scabs off multiple times in his sleep when he scratched at them, leaving his nails and hands all bloody. Saga fell back to sleep again, the irritation having disappeared.

* * *

**Day 8** (11:59 p.m.)

The raven-haired boy startled slightly in his sleep as he felt a cool, gentle hand hesitatingly touch his cheek and then disappear.

* * *

**Day 9** (7:44 a.m.)

He felt the touch of a warm hand firmly hold his and whispered, "Masamune. I'm sorry. I should've been there. I should've made sure you didn't do anything stupid."

* * *

(1:20 p.m.)

Saga opened his eyes. His mind was still fuzzy. Saga shouldn't have been surprised considering that he hadn't eaten or drunken anything besides alcohol for the past days and then had caught a cold with a brain melting fever and then had lost a huge amount of blood from a failed suicide attempt.

The IV drip, the extra, foreign blood pumped into him and the medicine the doctors had given Saga had helped.

But despite all that, Saga was still tired and his whole body felt limp. He had lain in his bed for hours either sleeping or staring at the ceiling, trying not to think. That was all he was capable of. He couldn't even go to the bathroom. He had a bedpan.

Luckily he usually was asleep when the nurses emptied it.

But he never stayed asleep for long. Usually he would wake up after a few hours and stay awake for a few minutes that seemed like years before falling asleep again.

He drifted in and out of reality and his only coherent thoughts were: I'm so tired.

* * *

Saga pried his eyes open and stared at the sunlight leaking through the blinds of the room. He faintly recognized the sound of incoming heels clacking against the floor and closed his heavy eyelids. The blinds rustled as they were pulled open and a tray of food was placed beside Saga's bed. The clicking heels left and Saga turned onto his side, avoiding the bright rays of light with a groan of impatience at the inconsideration of hospital employees, pulling his soft blanket well over his head.

The door slid open again and Saga thought it would just be the doctor again, pestering him for answers. Instead, it was Yokozawa.

The familiar sound of a fast, certain thud of Yokozawa's footsteps warned Saga before hand. The slight scent of cigarettes also wafted in and Saga sorely missed the nicotine.

"Masamune."

Saga opened his eyes and stared towards the sliver of light in the dark, stuffy heat of his blanket, now covered by a pair of legs wearing jeans.

"Yokozawa, what?"

"Get up already. Its noon."

"I almost died, I think I deserve a rest."

There was a silence before Saga said, "…sorry. I shouldn't be joking."

Yokozawa replied bitterly, "Sorry, but only the dead get rest. It's a pity you didn't die."

Saga pulled his covers off and looked at Yokozawa's face before saying, "…I don't think its such a pity. I would miss your grumpy bear-like self in heaven anyway."

Yokozawa was silent as he contemplated as whether to let it go or not. The death joke, yes. The bear one? Not so much.

"Masamune, if you're going to be irritating, then you can lie in your hospital bed and scream of boredom all you want for the next few days─and you will. I won't be listening" Yokozawa lifted a book out of his by─the latest one by Usami Akihiko─ and Saga stared at it and then said with a smile, "I don't think I could _bear_ not getting that book."

Yokozawa gave Saga a cold glare and then Saga laughed, "I'll stop. That was the last one. You were begging for it anyway. By the way, do you have a cigarette?"

Yokozawa glared, "NO." And then Saga put his hands up in defeat. Yokozawa grumbled and then sat down on the stool beside the bed.

Saga heaved himself up asked, "So, how's Sorata?"

Yokozawa responded by plopping the tray in front of Saga first and commanded, "Eat."

Saga sighed as he looked at the determined expression on his friend's face before scooping up the warm broth.

"Sorata's doing fine. His infection's got much better during the week I left him at the vet's while I went to the funeral. I felt a bit bad about abandoning him, but when I went to pick him up, he was having a heck of a time playing with the others cats."

Saga stuffed another scoop of the soup down his throat and swallowed as he asked, "How was the funeral?"

Yokozawa replied wryly, "Very dead. Not very many people like him in the first place, so the crowd was small and I never got to know him in the first place, so I really only went because of my mother's and propriety's demands. To be honest, I had a hard time mourning my grandfather..."

"Huh. I've never gone to a funeral before. Was there any sort of silver lining to it?" Saga dug into the dry bread, taking a bite before dunking it in soup.

Yokozawa stared at him, "No…not unless you call "leaving it early because I got a call from a random stranger that my best friend attempted suicide" a silver lining."

Saga was quiet before trying to brush it off, "C'mon. How long are you going to be hung up about that? Its already been…what? Three- four days?"

Yokozawa stared at Saga and for the second time, Saga got another glimpse of his friend's grief and the result of his actions. "Four days, watching you sleep in a hospital bed, pale and thin while I could do nothing. Four days that I had to stand the doctor asking me questions about you that I couldn't answer because you decided you were better off alone. I let you brush it off with a joke the first time because I knew you were tired, but why?"

"Yokoza─"

"Masamune. Why? I really don't understand. Is a boy worth that much? Is your father and mother who never really cared about you worth that much?"

Saga flinched, "I─"

"You have to accept the things that can't be changed instead of letting them drag you down. Just look at how far you've gone! Alcohol, I can understand, but drugs?! An orgy party?!"

Yokozawa clenched his fists and then said, "Please. PLEASE. Masamune. Don't do this. Don't try to kill yourself, don't try to hurt yourself. Don't give up just like that!"

Saga was silent as he swirled the soggy bread around in the soup dish and said, "I'm sorry, Takafumi."

And Yokozawa stood there, waiting for a promise that didn't come.

Finally, he left after saying, softly, "I'll come back tomorrow. Maybe we could go take a walk. The hospital's garden is really nice."

* * *

Saga sighed and then slumped back down on to his bed.

Saga hadn't given up. He had never been able to give up on hoping those people he cared about would return his feelings.

When Ritsu had left, Saga had felt so wrong, so guilty. Saga had believed he had done something wrong. Why else would that innocent boy kick him and then disappear? And Saga had lived normally for the past years, but could never relieve himself of that guilt that he had done something wrong; that everything was his fault.

But it wasn't like Ritsu had loved him in the first place. His love had been a lie.

Saga remembered his parent's fights when he was child while hiding in the pantry. They would scream at each other for hours and every time he would hear the words, "It's that child's fault! Why did you even have him!?"

Saga only realized the truth of those words now. He wasn't his father's child.

And it was his fault for existing, for being the continuing reminder of his mother's affair, shaming both his mother and father.

And the only reason his parents were kind to him, were to keep face. His parents had been a lie.

Eventually, Saga had become so tired of blaming himself, of being the one at the fault that he couldn't help hate those people now. He needed it to be them at fault.

So Saga tried to push Yokozawa away to prevent himself from hurting him and to stop the fear and the guilt. It didn't work. He was now lying on a hospital bed where he could clearly see Yokozawa's pain.

And then a picture of the fresh hurt on that emerald-eyed man's expression appeared and Saga cursed.

He had blamed someone else, hurt someone else.

Saga squeezed his eyes shut and tried to fall asleep. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to see that man again and feel that guilt that would arise at the face of─Saga paused. What was that man's name…?

Saga gave himself a wry smile as he swallowed. He didn't even know the man's name.


	8. Chapter 8

**Day 10** (10: 20 a.m.)

Ritsu now realized that old habits died hard. That, and his parents, instead of telling him to focus on studying, should've spent their time telling him not to do illegal things. Things such as stalking people.

Not that Ritsu didn't feel bad about it.

He did.

It just wasn't enough to stop him from stalking the person he was in love with, eavesdropping, or staring guiltily/longingly at the man in question

Ritsu had gone to the hospital two days after he had met the younger Yokozawa to see Takano-san. He had had to gather all of his nerves to do so but when he had come to the hospital, Takano-san had been asleep. He had stood there reflecting for a moment, thinking.

For a moment, Ritsu let himself slip as he recalled the gentle kiss on his cheek from Takano-san. And his hands, cold from fear and regret, gently touched Takano-san's cheek before cringing back as he heard footsteps coming towards the room. Ritsu slipped underneath the bed and scooted towards the wall just as Yokozawa opened the door.

It was silent except for Takano-san's soft breathing and Yokozawa's soft footsteps. He dragged a stool beside the bed and sat down.

Ritsu blinked nervously, thinking that there wasn't much of an excuse he could give for hiding underneath the bed of an unconscious man who he had admitted he was in love with. It sounded pretty bad even in his mind. It would probably sound worse coming as a demanding question from Yokozawa with an angry tone.

But as Ritsu lied there, cramped and uncomfortable, he felt a deeper and deeper understanding of Yokozawa as each hour passed. Yokozawa only sat there, reading a book and sometimes, reaching out to hold Takano-san's hand. Ritsu understood. He just wanted to be by Takano-san's side. It was good enough to be there and to wait for the moment Takano-san would wake up and then see his eyes and know he was alive. That was good enough.

And waiting by Takano-san's side was no obligation. It wasn't tiring. When Ritsu listened to his soft inhaling and exhaling and the slight rustle of blankets as he moved in his sleep, everything felt right for a moment. Takano-san was alive. And Ritsu knew that no matter what, he wanted that to stay reality.

* * *

Ritsu watched as Takano-san laughed, walking slowly in the hospital garden with Yokozawa-san by his side. His laugh was soft and somewhat weary, but it was honest and raw and Ritsu couldn't help but turn around so he wouldn't have to see it.

He turned and leaned against the railing on the hospital roof. And took in a deep breath to shove down the jealousy into the furthest corners of his heart.

It wasn't the time. It never had been right of him to be jealous. But the feeling he had felt had only gotten worse each time no matter how calm he tried to stay, it would always burst out of him.

"Well, not this time, he wouldn't. He had to grow up. He was the older one out of the three of them after all," Ritsu thought dryly.

Not that he was any taller than them despite the age difference. Yokozawa appeared to be nearing the end of his growth spurt and Takano-san appeared to be in the middle of his. So Yokozawa was only a centimeter or two taller than Ritsu and Takano-san was just about Ritsu's height.

Ritsu turned around again with a soft sigh and watched as they walked for a few more minutes. Afterwards, as the weather turned colder, they turned inside and Ritsu followed.

* * *

(11:03 a.m.)

Saga shooed Yokozawa away, knowing his friend probably had piles of homework from the college professors. Yokozawa had left reluctantly and had even suggested doing it at the hospital. Saga's only reply was that he would annoy the heck out of Yokozawa if he did because he wanted peace and quiet away from the "Mama bear." Saga got chewed out afterwards, not that he hadn't made his own witty comebacks, but Saga had been a bit distracted and ended up losing the battle though not the war. Yokozawa went back to his studies and true to his word, had left Saga no book to entertain himself with. It didn't bother him at the moment though because Saga was thinking about that man.

He had asked Yokozawa his name.

Onodera.

He hadn't told Yokozawa his first name apparently. It was weird and as unwilling Saga was to ever meet that Onodera-san again, he couldn't help the curiosity he felt at the thought of that man.

Saga had actually asked the nurses around about him. And they simply gushed over him about Onodera-san.

They had talked about how he must've been rich, asking for a one-person room and making sure Saga received the best accommodations and help possible. He had even paid the hospital bill in one turn. And he had been so polite and calm too. He had arrived, covered in blood in the ambulance along with Saga, yet he hadn't freaked out or started acting hysterically, he had waited patiently and silently as he filled out the forms in the waiting room. Not only that, he had been absolutely adorable. Although he was by no means short and cute like a little brother, he was still adorable. He had soft silky brown hair and large green eyes like emeralds that were sincere and kind as he spoke to the nurses. And how they had squealed about his skin. Most men didn't care about their skin at all, so they had rough, tanned skin with large pores, but he had such creamy looking, smooth skin. All of the nurses had been dressing nicer recently, waiting in anticipation for him to visit again.

Saga had raised his eyebrows at the amount of squeals and giggles of the nurses as they chattered about Onodera-san. But he hadn't minded because of the last thing they had told him.

Although Saga was extremely reluctant to admit it, a small part of him had felt a twinge of indignation for the man having never visited him, but the nurses had said that he had come once and had stayed for a long long time. One of them had come in while Onodera-san had been there and she had seen his expression soften into a gentle, sad smile as he pressed his hand against Saga's cheek.

That reminded them that the other college student with an impassive face and startlingly beautiful pale blue eyes had come in that day as well. Both of them had stayed until the end of visiting hours.

Saga was curious to know why Yokozawa never mentioned having met that man again. Was it because Yokozawa knew he had the same features as his first love? Yokozawa had been trying to avoid reminding him about Ritsu, but he needn't have tried. Saga was plagued by the memories with or without physical reminders.

Then again, Saga considered another possibility that Yokozawa and Onodera-san hadn't met. It was strange that Yokozawa hadn't mentioned it. Yokozawa had been insisting that Saga go thank Onodera for having saved him and now that Saga thought about it, Yokozawa had said he had only ever talked to him once…yet the times they had visited him overlapped. Honestly Saga didn't know what to make of that. Was that man avoiding Yokozawa? He hadn't come to visit with Yokozawa that day he had shown him the way to Saga's room and Yokozawa had mentioned that despite his seniority, Onodera-san had appeared nervous and humble around him before almost running away like a cornered rabbit.

Saga blinked and then stared out the window again. The day was cloudy again. Hopefully it wouldn't rain.

He sighed and looked around for a distraction─a book. And then when he couldn't find one, cursed Yokozawa's stubbornness with a tinge of laughter at the end.

* * *

(12:25 p.m.)

Saga was bored out of his mind. An hour with nothing to do. Nothing to read. Nothing to get drunk on. No one to talk to. No games to play. No homework to do. Not even sleep would come to him. He felt energized and full of too much rest. With a sigh, he looked out again, noticing the large tree right by the window with its branch reaching out…almost as though it was tempting him to.

* * *

(1:15 p.m.)

Saga sat in the bar despite the fact that the doctors had insisted he stay in bed and rest for at least two more days. Well, Saga didn't like doctors much anyway. The one had had known for all his life didn't seem to like him much either.

He shook his drink and the ice clinked against the glass and he watched the movement of the amber liquid. The color was almost enchanting underneath the right light.

He swirled it, thinking that he had no money on him. Of course, this was exactly the kind of thing Yokozawa had always lectured him about. Being responsible. Making good choices. And so on. As much as Saga was adamant about ignoring his friend, he also knew that Yokozawa was right.

Saga simply looked the whisky that he had insisted on buying, but had no intention of drinking. He didn't feel a carving to be drunk at the moment. To make a fool of himself and hurt Yokozawa and anyone else.

Saga took a sip.

He chuckled coldly and then felt guilty. The guiltier he felt, the more he drank. The more he drank, the faster those haunting thoughts would swirl around him and mock him.

He was drunk.

And he was happy to be drunk.

* * *

(2:53 p.m.)

Saga watched and waited for the moment when the bartender was distracted to start to slip away.

"Hey! Get back here!"

Saga started running and made it out the door, but with his drunken , shaky run, he didn't make it far before the bartender caught up to him.

"Pay for your damn food, you bastard! Where's you wallet? Show me."

Saga smiled drunkenly and his words came out slurred, "A dun haf a walli? He too ma money cuz I wa drunk an' fain'ed, so he took tha money in x'chan."

The bartender blinked and his face turned red in anger. "I'm going to call the police on you. God. You're a damn disgusting mess. You fucking piss me off. You don't think I need money? Fuck. You better give me double the money; call someone or else your sorry ass is going to be beaten up and thrown to the police."

Saga, although drunk, registered most of his words and then thought about calling someone. Who could he call? His mommy? No…his mommy was in Shikoku. Sorata? No…Sorata was stingy with his money…who could he call? Yokozawa…no…Yokozawa would get mad at him and show him that painful look that he didn't want to see. It would make him feel bad. Who could he call?

"Takano-san!"

Saga blinked wearily and saw a figure racing towards him. He looked a lot like him. Ritsu. Maybe he was Oda Ritsu all grown up, come to save him…but…his expression was just like how he knew Yokozawa's would be when he heard about this…why were they always so worried…Saga smiled drunkenly. He was wanted to tell them it was alright. He wanted Yokozawa to stop making that face. He would stop Ritsu from crying just as soon as he came…

Ritsu ran up to the bartender and grabbed the worker's shoulder roughly. Although his words were polite, Ritsu used a harsh, cold tone, "My apologies. It seems my friend is drunk. What's the problem here?"

"The problem? This guy tried to run without paying."

Ritsu paused and then took out his wallet and placed three hundreds in the man's hands, "I trust this will cover it."

The man blinked in surprise and then let go of Saga before saying, "Yeah. It'll do" Then he smirked. "As if. You have to cover some other fees as well. He was a nuisance to our customers. He got my clothing dirty. My job's in danger since I had to chase after him too. So pay up."

Ritsu replied coldly, "This'll have to do."

The bartender shrugged and then said, "Then I'll have to beat this guy up." He shook Saga slightly to show.

Ritsu, feeling a flash of anger and frustration from everything, punched the guy in the face. The man's eyes grew wide, but he recovered and tried to sock Ritsu in the stomach. Ritsu blocked him and then with one smooth circular motion, threw him over his shoulder. The man hit his head and was unconscious. Ritsu paused to catch his breath. He made sure the man was breathing and then he walked over to Saga.

Saga was slumped on the floor and looked up, dazed, into Ritsu's green eyes.

Saga smiled, "You're eyes are beautiful…they make me think of someone that I love so much…love so much…Ritsu…"

Ritsu pushed back his tears and then put his arm around Saga to pull him up, "C'mon, Takano-san. Get up."

Ritsu would've brought Takano-san back to his house to recuperate. He would've. And he would've talked to him and tried to convince him everything was okay. He would've. But, he felt the phone in his pocket ring.

Ritsu paused and Takano-san sang drunkenly as Ritsu opened his phone.

"Hello?"

"Ah. Onodera-san! Takano's been missing from the hospital. Could you help me look for him?! He might be at a bar…at…crap…I…who knows where in hell he could be," Yokozawa was breathing heavily over the phone and his voice was panic stricken. "This can't be happening─"

"Yokozawa-san. Calm down. I have Takano-san with me. I'll bring him to the hospital." Ritsu said softly as he clenched his fists.

That was right. Yokozawa-san could help Takano-san. Not Ritsu.

Saga stared at Ritsu after he hung up and asked, "Are you him? Are you Ritsu?"

Ritsu turned and gave his an empty smile that he used for business, "No. I'm just Onodera."

**Sorry this chapter was long and depressing. It'll get more cheerful next time. XD**


End file.
